Outside of the 4th of July, the biggest public celebration in Keisters Ridge is Founder’s Day.\u00a0 It is on this day that the inhabitants of the town all get together to memorialize the settlement of their community.\u00a0 Over the years the Founder’s Day celebration has grown and collapsed and then grown again.\u00a0 Back around the turn of the century everybody got together for a picnic and catfish fry out on the edge of town.\u00a0 But the stock market crash of 1929 and the Great Depression that followed caused the picnic baskets to close and the blankets under the trees to fold.<\/p>\n
By the mid\u20111950s prosperity had again spawned a Founder’s Day celebration with a parade featuring the Keisters Ridge Consolidated Unit 12 Community High School Marching Band and a variety of local dignitaries.\u00a0 One thing led to another and twenty\u2011five years later the Founder’s Day Celebration had grown to be an all out week\u2011long Big Deal.\u00a0 The merchants in town all got together and had Founder’s Sales and the Chamber of Commerce set up a coonskin cap stand in front of City Hall.\u00a0 Auntie Mabel down at the Keister Inn ran a Keister Catfish Founder’sSpecial.\u00a0 For a week the town went quietly nuts.<\/p>\n
The biggest part of the week\u2011long series of events was the Founder’s Parade.\u00a0 The parade was always led by the American Legion Color Guard.\u00a0 There was even a Founder’s Queen riding in a 1936 LaSalle Coupe.\u00a0 Many different groups joined the parade just to march the ten blocks through town.<\/p>\n
Among them was the Mud Grubbers 4\u2011Wheel Drive Club.\u00a0 The Mud Grubbers started out as a Jeep\u2011only organization, but when it turned out that eight of the ten Jeeps in town were owned by the Post Office Department they had to open their doors to anyone with four\u2011wheel drive.\u00a0 They were very popular and on Founder’s Day the club always took children for rides through a giant mud hole made by the Keisters Ridge Volunteer Fire Department.<\/p>\n
One year the big news to the parade organizers was that the VFW post in Millers Falls wanted to send over their train.\u00a0 This was hot stuff because the train had not left the Millers Falls city limits in several years, despite it being very well known among those folks who keep track of such vehicles.\u00a0 The plan was to load the train with residents of the Keisters Ridge Retirement Village who would be dressed in authentic Founder’s costumes.<\/p>\n
The train started life as a 1956 Chevrolet panel truck.\u00a0 It was purchased by the United States Air Force and was used to haul parts and tires for F\u2011100 Super Sabre Jets until it was surplused out in the mid\u20111960s.\u00a0 The truck was bought by the Millers Falls Community College where it became a grounds crew vehicle.\u00a0 One day it lost its brakes and rolled backwards, without a driver, into the lobby of the chemistry building.\u00a0 Shortly thereafter it was sold to the VFW post for twentyfive dollars.<\/p>\n
One of the members of the post was a body and fender man.\u00a0 He chopped off the back of the truck and added a flat plywood deck.\u00a0 He also attached part of a fiftyfive gallon oil drum to the top of the hood and welded up some square steel bars into a cow catcher which was bolted to the front bumper.\u00a0 A piece of old pipe became a fairly convincing smokestack.\u00a0 A striped canopy was put up over the deck and school bus seats were added.\u00a0 Unfortunately, the brakes were neglected and the first time the train went out it crashed into the Cadillac driven by the mayor of Millers Falls.\u00a0 The cow catcher did its trick and by the time the sounds of bending metal had stopped the headlights of the green, blue, and orange train were in the back seat of the Caddy.<\/p>\n
With the addition of a farm wagon, decorated with an identical canopy and seats, to the rear of the “engine” the train made a formidable presentation when it was taken to local fairs and parades.\u00a0 It was a popular item, and was often loaded with children or members of one group or another.\u00a0 On one occasion twenty\u2011five members of a local Barber Shop quartet club sang their way through Millers Falls.<\/p>\n
It was always exciting when the train made its appearance.\u00a0 The time the clutch burned out in the middle of a high school homecoming parade was well remembered by the cheerleaders who were on board.\u00a0 Rolling along at all of five miles per hour, smoke bellowed from under the train.\u00a0 By the time it stopped and the cheerleaders got off, the smell of burning clutch had worked its way into their school sweaters.\u00a0 It took several washings to get the aroma out.<\/p>\n
When the news reached town that the VFW was willing to bring the train over to Keisters Ridge for the Founder’s Day Parade there was great jubilation within the ranks of the parade organizers.\u00a0 The train hadn’t been outside the Millers Falls city limits in years, because nobody believed it was reliable enough to drive more than three or four miles from its garage.\u00a0 The residents of the Keisters Ridge Retirement Village were also excited to be included in the parade.\u00a0 They had all of their costumes prepared.\u00a0 In fact, they had even organized a jug band to ride on the trailer to play authentic Founder’s type music.<\/p>\n
When the day of the parade came everyone took their usual places.\u00a0 Arnold Obermeyer, who owned Arnold’s Body Shop and Dance Studio, was in the lead carrying the state flag in the American Legion Color Guard.\u00a0 The Keisters Ridge Consolidated Unit 12 Community High School Marching Band came next, all thirty\u2011six of its members looking spiffy in their new uniforms.\u00a0 The Founder’s Queen rode in the LaSalle and was followed by Mayor Grafft and his wife. Mrs. Grafft was still wearing a turtleneck sweater because of a\u00a0 recent unfortunate accident at the Keister Inn.\u00a0 The Founder’s Day Committee appeared next in the back of a pickup truck provided by Keister Ford.<\/p>\n
The next “unit” was a traditional favorite among the children in the crowd.\u00a0 Bertram the Trained Pig from Malcom Ott’s Farm and Feed was led down the street by Malcom’s son, Andy Ott.\u00a0 The Keister Patriot Brigade and Gun Crew marched next.\u00a0 Dressed in real buckskins, they pulled a brass cannon which they periodically stopped to fire with a great roar and much smoke.\u00a0 This upset Bertram who tried to stampede into the spectators.\u00a0 Bertram got his revenge, however, when the Patriot Brigade and Gun Crew had to pull the cannon through a rather nasty accident he left in their path.<\/p>\n
Towards the middle of the parade Patriot Fire Chief Torx Torvald rode in the passenger seat of the new Keisters Ridge Patriot Fire Department pumper truck.\u00a0 Behind the pumper truck came the VFW train.\u00a0 On board the train the Keisters Ridge Retirement Village residents where whooping it up to the music of the jug band.\u00a0 The band rode on the back of the trailer.<\/p>\n
Immediately behind the driver sat Zinnia MacPhearson.\u00a0 Zinnia was known around the Village to be quite a character.\u00a0 She was prone to take a nip now and again, and on this day she had taken quite a few nips.\u00a0 Her judgement was none too good, so when the bee came buzzing around the train it was not really surprising that she decided to take a swing at it.\u00a0 She missed.<\/p>\n
This called for some kind of strategy.\u00a0 Recalling an episode of WILD KINGDOM she had seen one Sunday afternoon, Zinnia decided to wait for the bee to get into position.\u00a0 As the train moved along the parade route at five miles per hour Zinnia coolly waited for the bee to land.\u00a0 When it finally came to rest she wound up, made a swing, and once again missed the bee.\u00a0 At this point the story gets complicated.\u00a0 Ms. MacPhearson had decided to massacre the bee with her authentic Founder’s washboard.\u00a0 Her swing was good and her follow through excellent, even if her aim was terrible.\u00a0 There was a dramatic thud when the washboard hit the back of the train driver’s head.\u00a0 The washboard broke in half.\u00a0 Zinnia punched the driver in the shoulder, furious that he had so cruelly broken her washboard with his knoggin.\u00a0 The driver didn’t even notice the punch because he was nearly unconscious from the original assault.\u00a0 He slumped over the wheel of the train.\u00a0 This caused the steering wheel to turn slightly to the right.\u00a0 The train slowly moved across the street to the curb.\u00a0 Zinnia, meanwhile, had turned to her surprised seatmate and started a discussion about sun bonnets<\/p>\n
The train drifted at five miles per hour across the street towards little Sammy Norton, age seven, who was perched on top of a mail box.\u00a0 The driver focused his eyes just long enough to see Sammy and with super human effort turned the steering wheel to the left.\u00a0 His foot slipped from the brake pedal and onto accelerator causing the train to speed up all the way to six miles an hour.<\/p>\n
When Torx Torvald looked out of the window to his right he was a bit surprised at what he saw.\u00a0 The VFW train was\u00a0 moving right towards the door of his new pumper truck. Torx is a quick thinker and he immediately sized up the situation; a train made from a 1956 Chevrolet panel truck and armed with an incredibly nasty cowcatcher, loaded with twenty\u2011three senior citizens and a jug band, was careening out of control at six miles per hour intent upon destroying his brand new pumper truck.\u00a0 He yelled to the volunteer pumper truck driver, “Accellerate!”<\/p>\n
They were trapped.\u00a0 Ahead of them was Pack 26 of the Boy Scouts, pacing them on the left was a clown riding a unicycle.\u00a0 There was nothing that could be done, the truck was doomed.<\/p>\n
Members of the crowd saw that disaster was immanent.\u00a0 Several made heroic attempts to stop the train.\u00a0 They ran out from the curb and grabbed the side rails of the trailer platform.\u00a0 Soon others joined in and within moments the train was dragging fifteen or twenty people down the street.\u00a0 All of the would\u2011be rescuers were trying to dig in their heels in a valiant effort to halt the crazed train.\u00a0 It continued to travel at six miles an hour, barely faster than a man can walk.\u00a0 No matter how many people grabbed hold of the baby blue side rails, the vehicle went on its way.<\/p>\n
While all this was going on the train driver remained slumped over the wheel.\u00a0 He wavered on the edge of unconsciousness.\u00a0 As the cow catcher came dangerously close to the pumper truck his eyes momentarily came into focus.\u00a0 He pulled the steering wheel back to the right causing the train to slowly veer away from the pumper.\u00a0 Then, just before it went over the curb, he pulled the wheel to the left and the train lumbered back towards the bright red truck.\u00a0 Once more the driver’s eyes focused and he again pulled the wheel, then lapsed back into his groggy state.<\/p>\n
The train with its costumed retirees and jug band weaved back and forth like a Chinese New Year dragon.\u00a0 Nearly forty people clung to it’s sides trying to stop it. The parade units ahead of the pumper truck marched on mercifully unaware of the drama behind.\u00a0 Torx Torvald and the volunteer fireman driver rode forward coming nearer and nearer to oblivion.\u00a0 Each time the train weaved to the left, it came closer to Torx’s door.<\/p>\n
In a bit of daring unmatched in the history of Keisters Ridge, Torx once again became a hero.\u00a0 He opened his door and placed one foot on the running board.\u00a0 With a hand on the rear view mirror and the other hand on the back of his seat Torx waited for the train to swing back towards the pumper truck.\u00a0 As it crept in his direction the Keisters Ridge Patriot Volunteer Fire Department Fire Chief saw his last chance and seized it.\u00a0 The cowcatcher was sure to smack the new red paint on the truck’s door.\u00a0 With inches to spare Torx lunged.\u00a0 He flew out into space and grabbed the windshield of the train.\u00a0 His foot found a toe hold on a side marker light and with terrific strength and agility vaulted over the rail knocking the driver off the seat.\u00a0 Torx yanked the steering wheel back to the right and the train pulled away from the pumper truck.\u00a0 The steel cowcatcher missed the door of the truck by less than one eighth of an inch.<\/p>\n
Torx wasn’t sitting down yet, so by the time he found the pedals on the floor the train had crossed back to the other side of the street and hopped the curb into the parking lot of Rich’s Supermarket.\u00a0 Torx smashed the brake pedal to the floor, but the brakes had again gone out.\u00a0 He pulled the emergency brake lever.\u00a0 Nothing happened.\u00a0 It had been disconnected.\u00a0 Torx bravely piloted the brakeless train with it’s human cargo across Rich’s parking lot.\u00a0 By this time the would\u2011be rescuers were dropping off and a trail of bodies marked the progress of the cowcatchered monster.\u00a0 The jug band continued to play, the music sounding strangely like NEARER MY GOD TO THEE.<\/p>\n
Torx switched off the engine and the compression of the cylinders slowed the train.\u00a0 He gripped the wheel and guided the machine through a maze of abandoned grocery carts.\u00a0 Slowly, almost imperceptibly, the train slowed.\u00a0 Its course headed it directly toward the plate glass window of Rich’s Super Market.\u00a0 As the train neared the building, cars and a delivery truck forced Torx into following the straight and narrow path towards the checkout stands just behind the glass store front.\u00a0 The cow catcher demolished a shopping cart.\u00a0 With a bump and a lurch the train came to a stop, the cow catcher barely touching the window.<\/p>\n
Zinnia MacPhearson, oblivious that she was the cause of all this excitement, proceeded to lecture Torx on his unorthodox way of boarding the train.\u00a0 As she did so she rose to her feet causing the train to tip the tiniest of bits.\u00a0 This forced the cow catcher to press the glass just a fraction of a gram too much.\u00a0 There was a cracking sound and a line appeared to run across the window.\u00a0 Suddenly, a spider’s web of silver was etched in the glass, it’s focal point the cowcatcher of the train.\u00a0 Torx closed his eyes as the window disintegrated into thousands and thousands of shards and crashed to the ground.<\/p>\n
The jug band stopped playing.<\/p>\n
Once again Torx ended up on the news.\u00a0 An amateur photographer captured the events on film.\u00a0 Mrs. Torvald watched as her husband was interviewed by reporters.\u00a0 Later that night Torx and Hilda were sitting in their living room.\u00a0 The mysterious glow of the TV danced across their faces.\u00a0 The voice of Ted Koppel came to them from across the vastness of the television miles.<\/p>\n
“And now a final word on tonight’s news comes from Keisters Ridge where once again Torx Torvald has become a hero….”<\/p>\n
Our hero sipped his General Mills International House coffee.\u00a0 Hilda put down her knitting.\u00a0 Both looked at each other and thought the same thought.<\/p>\n
Enough is enough.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Outside of the 4th of July, the biggest public celebration in Keisters Ridge is Founder’s Day.\u00a0 It is on this day that the inhabitants of the town all get together to memorialize the settlement of their community.\u00a0 Over the years the Founder’s Day celebration has grown and collapsed and then \u2026<\/p>\n